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It can be tempting to get back together with an ex. When you run into one another after time has passed – after you’ve had some space and time to grow up and mature – all of those feelings and that chemistry can quickly come back. But just because you’re both single and there’s comfort there doesn’t mean you should necessarily get back together.
Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and contributor to The “Today” show, says there isn’t a one-size-fits-all rule when it comes to deciding whether it’s right to get back together with an ex. Here she offers six signs that getting back together with your ex might not be the best idea.
“People are propelled back into a relationship because something is going on currently that’s distressing,” she says. “People think of getting back with their ex because it’s easier to look back to the past and find magic in it. The memory gets smoothed over as opposed to the sharpness at which it occurred.”
2. If you haven’t worked on the underlying issue of your breakup
A relationship usually ends for particular reasons, though they might not always be evident to you. For example, you might have an attraction to being treated badly, and so you tend to date guys who treat you poorly.
“It didn’t work because you have a story that made you attracted to that person in the first place, but it wasn’t a healthy attraction,” explains Dr. Saltz. “If you have not worked on the underlying issue of what drew you to them, then that person isn’t a good choice for you,” she says.
It’s important to analyze what drew you to your ex in the first place, so that you don’t continue falling into similar dating patterns. With awareness and some work, you’ll be able to decide if being with this person is a healthy decision or simply a bad habit.
3. If you don’t respect one each other
“Often someone becomes an ex because you just can’t get along and the arguing has gone on to disdain and contempt,” says Dr. Saltz. “If you left feeling contempt and having no respect left for your partner, that’s hard to come back from – even if it may have shrunk since.”
If you have a real disdain for someone, you’ll continuously put them down, she says. It’s not repairable.