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Family weddings can cause tensions: Ellie

Q: My wife and I met online and have been together ten years. When we met, we had no expectations. We lived in cites five hours apart, and talked online for two months before meeting.

It gave us time to get to know each other. I can’t imagine keeping up a lie for two months, so for us it worked.

However, I don’t think online dating is for everyone. Many guys expect the women they meet to look like the models who advertise the sites. And a lot of women expect all the men to look like they could star in the Magic Mike sequel.

I faced lots of rejection initially, in reaction to little things like my refusing to discuss how much money I made, to bigger ones like the fact that I’m a smoker.

There’s still a stigma to online dating from the horror stories we hear, but if you’re honest, and upfront about yourself (and so is the person you’re talking to), you have a fighting chance.

With women, the biggest negative I found was lying about their weight. Most men know that women aren’t all rail thin, but when you describe yourself as 125 lbs. and you show up weighing 185 lbs., well…. just be honest.

Lastly, once you’ve been dating someone for one month, delete your profile from the site. It’s not difficult to add it again later, should things not work out. But keeping the profile suggests that you’re waiting for something else to come along.

Married Online

A: Today’s online daters need to be even more wary of ballooning expectations. There are far more dating sites and the whole system’s far more popular, so more people of every type — honest and otherwise — are scanning profiles, and looking for the “Big Score” which can mean marriage, or can mean taking advantage of someone else’s naïveté and trust.

Some people are still looking for models and billionaires, but, realistically, few of either category need dating sites to find potential mates.

Stay alert.

Q: When my niece called to announce her engagement, I asked if cousins were being invited. I have two daughters plus several nieces, so was delighted to hear they’d be able to celebrate together.

However, when the invitations were sent, my youngest daughter was excluded. She’s 30, and lives nearby. The bride invited my older daughter who lives overseas.

My husband offered to trade places with our younger daughter.

The bride sent him a heartfelt email saying he was kind to offer, but no, she wants the guests to be people with whom she has a relationship in her present life.

I asked my younger daughter how she’d feel if left out, and she said “sad.”

I told my niece that out of respect for an aunt, she should’ve invited either both my children or neither.

It’s caused a lot of pain for my husband and me. We understand it’s her wedding, but we feel brides shouldn’t use their day to exercise likes and dislikes.

Nothing has been gained from this situation.

Please remind brides to think carefully before sending out or omitting invitations.

Hurt Family

A: The hyped-up wedding industry has self-servingly created a culture of “Bride’s Rights” (whether right or wrong).

BUT, it’s short-term thinking. If family’s an important part of the guest list, and the couple expect family support through the future, singling out one relative to omit is not only hurtful, but also foolish.

It eventually bites back at the bride and groom.


Online dating provides open-ended opportunity for the sincere as well as the scammers.

Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays, at the Follow @ellieadvice. – Living