Get lawyer to deal with ex with mean streak
Q: I married a man four years ago after a whirlwind courtship. I’d been divorced 19 years.
He had his own business, relying on two good contracts. He immediately started borrowing money from me.
Within three months, I put a second mortgage on my home to finance the contracts — I estimate $ 80,000. Once his contracts were fulfilled, he got his payment and left me — within 10 months of marriage. I was devastated!
I lived on credit and am still paying off this acquired debt.
He doesn’t qualify for credit due to a bad rating, no assets and child-support arrears. One month after leaving, he pursued me and moved back.
He now wants a 50:50 split on everything, involving money. We’ve fought steadily over this issue. His income has more than doubled mine, but he says too bad, get a second job! He calls me lazy, a parasite.
When he moved out, he demanded several thousand dollars’ compensation for apartment furnishings that he discarded when he moved to me. I was so beaten down, I gave it to him.
I’m afraid of him. He hasn’t hit me, but he’s verbally abusive, with a mean streak. He wants full possession of my house and its furnishings, but for me to stay on the mortgage.
All bills are in my name and come out of my bank account. I fight for his contribution, monthly.
He still owes me $ 20,000. I’m seeing a lawyer soon.
Am I wrong to expect him to share his increased income with me? And to pool our finances, regardless of who makes what? I’m no longer beaten down but the legal costs will be difficult for me.
Divorce is likely. He refuses to address his issues — drinking, anger and bitterness.
One Cash Pot?
A: Get to a lawyer fast — the costs of continued emotional/verbal abuse are incalculable.
He’s the “user,” but you’re still not protecting yourself, even after his money grabs. Do not expect anything fair from him.
Keep records of all bills you alone paid and monies owed. Be careful and self-protective when legal proceedings become apparent.
If his mean streak surfaces, and/or abuse is threatened, get to safety and call police and your lawyer.
Q: I’ve recently been to a resort hotel in the sun and realized I was being made uncomfortable by a repeated scene — a few older male guests hitting on young women, some possibly under 18, working in the resort.
They’re not prostitutes or escorts; I checked this out. They’re local girls assisting in the hotel’s pool bars and vulnerable to whatever money or inducements like dinners at restaurants that’s being offered.
I watched one man (at least in his 60s) pursuing a particular girl relentlessly. And wondered about my responsibility — as a mother of older daughters and as a feminist. Should I have interfered?
A: It’s a dicey situation, since these young women need their jobs and you don’t want your concern for them to cause a reverse reaction and get them fired, if, for example, you spoke to hotel management.
Try chatting up a young woman you see being pestered, as a show to the man targeting her that she has a “witness.” Sensing your support might be helpful to her.
If you think it’s safe to do so, comment to the male that if the girl’s as young as she looks, he could be breaking the law and end up in a local jail.
TIP OF THE DAY
Prior to a whirlwind marriage, the handling of personal finances should be agreed and legally protected.
Email email@example.com. Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays at thestar.com/elliechat. Follow @ellieadvice.
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