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My girlfriend says we’ll be fine when we have our own place, but she’s not doing anything about moving out. She’s afraid to tell her father she can’t support him and needs to save toward her own life.
Your girlfriend feels her mother needs her, but their attachment isn’t leaving enough room for you. Discuss moving away together for better jobs and/or a less expensive area. Her mom can rent out her room.
Q: My wife had an affair with a colleague when she was married to her first husband. I’m her second husband, and her ex-lover has been transferred to work in her office again. He’s now a senior manager, so she depends on his approval for her job.
She’s assured me she’s not going to make the same mistake, but I’m worried.
Fearing the Worst
A: Frequent contact, plus a dependence factor, are classic trouble signs. Say you’re not distrusting her intent, but rather the situation.
Q: After our parents passed, their jewelry collection “disappeared.”
My sibling was the executor of the will, taking more than the equal share allotted by my parents. We no longer speak.
I think about mending things, but know it’ll never be the same, not without getting answers. How does one never look back?
Shocked and Hurt
A: The unequally divided inheritance, counter to the will, says it all: They feel no shame, no regret and took what they could.
If there were a decent explanation — for example, your parents needed their financial help so they sold the jewelry and also took money they felt was owed, you still deserved an answer. Those two haven’t looked back.
Better for you to live with your values intact, and go forward without them.
TIP OF THE DAY
Dysfunctional relationships don’t get better from just wishing it so.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org. Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays at thestar.com/elliechat. Follow @ellieadvice.