He’s since been through three major job changes, all in different fields and cities. During this time, while trying to find himself, he’s also insisted on buying a house that we can no longer afford because of these job changes.
Also, he’s very threatened by my stating and asserting my own needs and any efforts by me to make them happen. I don’t want our son to grow up seeing a dysfunctional parent dynamic and financial stress with a long-suffering mom and unstable dad.
In counselling, ask for advice on what kind of career counselling can best help him focus his skills and interests. He’ll respond better to a knowledgeable professional than to you, regarding a search that has been defeating, even humiliating him.
Q: Last week I had a double mastectomy. I told all my friends and family about it (except my parents, who are very old). Everything went as well as could be expected. I’m recovering well. My sister and two girlfriends were very caring and supportive both before and after surgery.
However, I’ve heard nothing from all the other people I thought were my friends, or from my two brothers. A couple of people said for me to call them to let them know how it went. That’s just as lazy and uncaring as the silent ones.
My conclusion is that I’ve been mistaken, they’re not friends at all. Am I being too harsh?
Give the ones you’ve cared about, and those brothers too, a second chance. Send an email that you’re over the surgery and could use some caring and comfort from close people. If they still stay distant — OK, they’re not so close, nor should you be in the future.
In the case of your brothers, however, state how you feel, so they get it.
TIP OF THE DAY
Patterns are not fixed in stone but problems are — unless you use fresh approaches.