She’s in her late 30s, single, flirty, frequently remarks about being “on her own.” She claims to have lived everywhere exciting (Paris, Los Angeles, etc.) so makes herself sound interesting and mysterious.
He says he won’t go without me, but I don’t trust her. I’m not normally a jealous or insecure woman.
A: The philosophies may be fascinating, but her motives do seem transparent. Start with you responding, using “we,” and either say you will attend together or refuse.
If she persists, he must tell her directly that he’s not interested in the group. Then he shouldn’t respond to her approaches at all.
Q: Some parents swear by the self-soothing, cry-it-out, Ferber method for their baby. I’m trying it out but feel scared that I’m neglecting my baby. Some parents allow the baby to cry for more than an hour to learn to self-soothe.
Am I damaging my child’s development (emotional or physical) by trying this method? The Ferber technique clearly says to check on babies, but each time let them cry longer. Yet many parents claim to let them cry with no checks.
Fear of Ferber
Some plans suggest you lie with the baby till he/she sleeps. Others say to sit beside the crib and stroke the baby till sleep comes. Still others, like Ferber, do let the baby cry but for limited periods, related to how comfortable parents become with the technique. It’s recommended you start when your child is 3-to-5-months old.
Ferber’s strategy is controversial, with some claiming it can create emotional scars, while others swear by it.
One friend, also widowed, commented seriously how “nice” it was that both men were now “playing golf together in heaven.”
How can my friend handle such comments?
Generally, they mean well, but say it awkwardly.
If she normally likes these people, she can respond with a noncommittal, “Thanks, I know you’re trying to cheer me up. Let’s talk in a few weeks.”
Or, if the comments are more annoying, she can say, “That’s not helping me,” and end the conversation.
TIP OF THE DAY
When a predator reaches out, the target partner should make rejection clear.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org. Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays at thestar.com/elliechat. Follow @ellieadvice.